This has been my mantra for the last few years because it is so simple yet means so much. Before I was diagnosed with ADHD I thought I was lazy, ‘too much’, annoying, and just a little bit crazy (well a lot really!). People around me shook their heads at my lack of filter and got frustrated that I just couldn’t let things go. I was depressed, anxious and really didn’t like myself very much. But once that magical ADHD diagnosis happened, I learned that actually these feelings were not because I was the worst person alive, but instead there was a medical reason, and my brain was actually the reason for all of this mayhem. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t looking for an excuse, I just didn’t understand why no one else reacted like I did in almost every situation in life… I didn’t know, so I didn’t know. Now, post-diagnosis, instead of pushing myself to get off the couch after a day of 75,000 children asking me questions, because that’s lazy, I actually give myself that break to regulate. Instead of saying the first thing that comes into my head or constantly interrupting, I can tell myself to stop and think before I speak, not because I’m annoying, rather it’s because my brain isn’t wired that way.
So What?
So, what does this mean for ADHD kids in the classroom? Here are kids that don’t realise everyone doesn’t think like them. They can’t understand why they are always the one to get in trouble for talking, or for pushing to get in line first, or for making jokes at the wrong time, or for losing their hat AGAIN…. you don’t know, unless you know. Unless someone explains to you what your ADHD looks like, you just think you get distracted easily because that’s
what ADHD is isn’t it? Then suddenly you are pushed to your limit and end up yelling at the teacher or your friends because they just... keep... telling… you… to… STOP.
Imagine being told that not everyone has to concentrate so hard on sitting still and not talking that by the end of the spelling lesson they can’t think about anything else and have completely missed what the teacher was saying. Imagine being told that not everyone says the first thing that comes into their head when the teacher is explaining something because they have thought of another way of doing it, or they have a story that illustrates what the teacher is saying that the teacher just has to hear right now! Suddenly things might start making more sense.
Rules?
What about the rules? Imagine if you were given tools to help you follow rules instead of regularly being punished for things you don’t even understand are wrong!
Respect others… of course I do that, I like everyone… but no one has ever explained what respect looks like…not interrupting people…not borrowing their special pen then losing it…not yelling when they tell me I’m wrong. There are so many parts of respecting others, how does anyone do them all?
Stay on task… does that mean I have to sit and not move for the whole task? What if I just need to quickly get a new pencil, and my friend has the eraser, so I just need to go over and get it, oh and then I dropped my book. What if someone asks me a question? I obviously need to answer them or that’s not respecting them, and, wow did you guys just see that kid outside, do you think they are ok? SIT DOWN AND GET BACK ON TASK… but… but... but the kid… RIGHT THATS IT, COME BACK AND DO IT AT LUNCH. But that’s not fair!!! DON’T TALK BACK TO ME! WHY DON’T YOU EVER DO AS YOU'RE TOLD? SHOW SOME RESPECT!
Ooft…
When I work with my clients, we look at around 40 different features of ADHD and sort them into attributes they identify as (1) not really (2) sometimes and (3) a big part of their lives. The face of a student who suddenly realises that these are actually symptoms of their ADHD brain and not just reasons for them feeling like failures is priceless. You don’t know until you know. Of course, this doesn’t mean the rules don’t apply and this knowledge is an excuse. This knowledge empowers children to understand themselves and elevates their self-esteem to be able to self-advocate in the classroom. Maybe once teachers see their ‘problem child’ is actually trying to be ‘better’, they will listen to the student’s suggestions about strategies they would like to try to benefit their wellbeing and education.
You don’t know unless you know.
